Things Every Human Dating a Vampire Should Know

Aw, love. Isn't it a wondrous, magical thing? Well, if you happen to be in love, then it is. If you aren't then it's bloody annoying stupid twitterpation. But it's never easy, no matter who you are. And it's especially difficult if your heart happens to belong to one of us undead bloodsuckers. There are certain things a human dating a vampire must watch out for and several things which making being in a relationship with a vampire a bit annoying at times (according to the humans I've spoken with):

1. Do they love you for you, or your blood? Okay, granted, a vampire is always going to love your blood. If they didn't, then they'd want nothing to do with you. But a vampire who cares nothing about your looks, personality, talents, etc, who disregards all of those for the smell and taste of your blood? Not a keeper.

2. Meeting the parents. Sure, nowadays with the rise of supernatural teen romance, vampire/human relationships are far more accepted, but that still doesn't mean your parents won't be at least a little concerned when they find out your beloved Vladimir is two hundred years older than you and drinks blood. On the flip side, imagine going to your vampire love's place to meet her parents. Yeah, and you thought meeting human parents was nerve-wracking.

3. Vampire hunters. I recently had a bit of an incident with one, and it took months for me to go back to my regular life and routine. Now you may think that, as a human, you're safe from hunters, but once you're involved (especially romantically involved) with a fang, the hunters will be all over you like a fledgling on a freshly butchered carcass (hunters have a tendency to kidnap the human in the relationship in order to set a trap for the vamp. I really do dislike hunters...)

4. The lifestyle change. And no, I'm not talking about being turned into a vampire, I'm talking about adopting the vampire lifestyle. Being nocturnal, mostly, but also things like wearing sunglasses under fluorescent lights and cooking your steak rare. If you spend time with a vampire then trust me, you'll have to make a few adjustments.

5. The danger, the danger is a given. I for one think that it's obvious, but I feel I must list it. Your beloved fang might accidentally slip and sink his fangs into your throat, or crush your body whilst giving you a hug (we don't always know our own strength, you see). Vampire hunters can also fall into the category of danger, as well as run-ins with other, less friendly vamps, werewolves, and, well... it's just dangerous. So be careful, dear mortals.

Well, that's all for now. Coming soon, a handy guide for vampires on how to deal with dating humans! Until then, I bid you a fond farewell.

Hiding Out (An Update)

I feel I should apologize for my extreme lack of posting. You know, in case there's anyone out there who actually reads these posts of mine. And I'm assuming there is, unless the no-posting thing has scared everyone away. Now, at the end of August I managed to get a job. Yes, a job. I am now a working vampire! It's not that easy, having to resist the urge to bare my fangs and hiss at any and all rude customers, but I do my best. I was feeling pretty good about myself at first, but then things changed.

One particular night, I noticed a customer acting rather strange. He was really jumpy, and I caught him staring at me. Not in that 'Oh hey, she's kinda hot' sort of way, but mostly in a way that spelled pure hatred. I didn't think much of it, and continued on with my work. But still, it bugged me. I became even more worried when I walked outside to my car (note: I drive to work, in order to keep up the human facade), and discovered that a cross had been keyed into the driver's door. Not sure what this meant, I texted Alora and asked her opinion on the whole ordeal. Her response?

"Get home now. Theres a vamp hunter after u."


That comment alone was enough to scare the batshit out of me. I hurried home and hid out in my coffin for several hours until Alora and Brutus came by. Sure enough, the guy giving me a death glare at work is a known vampire hunter. Since I'm still pretty much a fledgling, I didn't know that. And I'm sort of wishing I had, so I could avoid this whole ordeal.

So what happened after that? I had to hide out, become as human as possible. Which means that updating a tell-all vampire blog was off-limits. Fun, huh? Yeah, not really. These past few months have dragged by. I was beginning to think that I might have actually turned back into a human. Seriously.

But the hunters have moved on, and I am safe. Undead and unharmed. (You were all worried about me, weren't you? Yes, you were.) Which means that I'll hopefully be able to post more often. Unless another vampire hunter comes after me (but let's hope I learned from this experience...)

Of Vampires and Goth

Now, I'm going to tread lightly here. This post was inspired by a rather... interesting conversation I had a few days ago. Now, Goths are often type-cast as being vampire lovers, thought that isn't always the case. I personally know one who can't stand us fanged types (I haven't talked to her since I was turned... wonder how she'll feel about me?) Anyway, not all Gothy types like vampires. But that isn't our topic for today. The topic of this post is what do vampires think of those Gothy types?

Well, it's actually pretty divided. On the one hand, there are vampires who can't stand those black-clad types. Why? Well, for a few reasons:

• 
  
  Romanticizing the Lifestyle. Drinking blood out of a wine glass, draping yourself in black velvet, lounging in a coffin. It's so romantic to the dark at heart, which pisses a few vampires off. Way back in the day (and I mean way back) vampires were considered disease-ridden and disgusting. Even to this day, the vampiric lifestyle isn't all romantic. Some fanged types feel Goths are making a mockery of all the troubles we go through.


• 
  
  The Pose Level. There are times when it's really hard to tell who's a vampire and who's not. Some Goths are really good at hiding there humanity, to the point where it's almost scary. Which annoys some vampires; how do you know that it's really a fellow fang you're talking to, and not just some puny mortal? Not only that, but when you get a bunch of non-goths going on about how Goths are vampires. They're not. Well, not a lot of them.
  

Of course, most of the vampires who dislike Goths are old fuddy-duddy elitists. There isn't that much to hate, but they do it anyway. Now, as for the reasons why vampires like Goths:

• 
  
  The Acceptance: An entire subculture of people who (most of which) love vampires? Who believe that fangs are totally badass and sleeping in coffins isn't totally freakish? What's not to love? Okay, sure, so nowadays 'regular' teenage girls absolutely love all things vampire. But Goths are a lot less annoying than the twihards.


• 
  
  Their Origins: A large number of vampires turned since the 1980s were Goths, and probably still are. Myself included (I think it's one of the reasons I was attacked... but then again, what do I know?) So yes. A lot of Goths who act VERY MUCH LIKE THE UNDEAD could actually be undead. You never know...


• 
  
  A Place to Hide. Vampire hunters after you? Just head to the local ooky-spooky nightclub of doom! Those sissy hunters won't be able to tell who's a vampire and who's mortal! I mean, seriously. It's a great place to hide out for a while. Plus, the music is awesome.

Well, that's about it. There may be other reasons to love or to hate (or to strongly dislike), but those are the most common ones. A message to any Gothy types who come across a vampire who just does not like them: don't take it like a stake to the heart. There are plenty of other vamps out there who will find your fake fangs absolutely endearing.

As an off-note, remember when I said that a friend was basing a character in her book after me? You can read the first two chapters of Strange Bedfellows, the novel in question. The character Rai is completely amazing, don't you think?

The Problem with Buffy

Van Helsing. Blade. Buffy Summers. What do these people have in common? Well, first of all their names are hilarious. But they're also all vampire hunters. And that's the topic of today's post. Of course, it's not actually going to be about vampire hunters, more like a quick guide on how to get them to leave you the hell alone.

Now, from what I've heard during my short time as the undead, vampire hunters are pretty amusing. They stick to the 'old ways', believing that vampires burst into flame in sunlight and that the sight of a cross will throw us into a hissing tizzy. And yes, these generlizations are pretty funny (and a bit insulting), but that doesn't mean that vampire hunters shouldn't be approached without caution. If you think there's a vampire hunter in your area here are a few helpful tips to avoid being staked:

(First of all, realize that the easiest way to deter a hunter is by convincing them that you're human. Which is fairly easy, if you think about it.)

• 
  
  Lose the perfection. Yes, yes, your flawless skin and perfect vision and pearly-white teeth. Humans aren't perfect, which is why you shouldn't be either. For example, I occasionally wear fake glasses. I have perfect vision, so I don't need glasses at all. But, if a vampire hunter sees me wearing them, they'll think I'm a sight-challenged human. And that's good. If glasses aren't your thing, try different makeup effects. Acne is always a good choice, and if you're super pale you could try going for a tan. And I know one vamp who decided to get braces, but that's a little far for my taste. Who wants to mar their fangs with metal anyway?


• 
  
  Challenge their old-fashioned beliefs. Vampire hunters usually believe every old legend about the undead. So, let them see you outside in the sunlight! (Unless, you know, you happen to be one of those rare vampires who actually does burn in sunlight...) And, when I say go out in the sunlight, I don't mean while wearing a black hooded coat, carrying a parasol and wearing two pairs of ultra-dark sunglasses while complaining about how bright it is. We are going for human here, after all. You could also wear a cross (not one of those tiny gold ones on a thin chain, but a HUGE ASS one that will make your neck sore after wearing for a few hours. Just to make sure they see you're wearing it.) Eat a bunch of garlic, walk around while looking at your reflection in your compact mirror. Be creative! This kind of thing will confuse the hell out of them.


• 
  
  Read Twilight. Or any of those other vampire/human teen romance books. Apparently vampire hunters think we hate these books. We don't; we enjoy them for their comedic value. But still, carry a copy of one of these books around. It should do the trick.


• 
  
  Act as human as possible. Eat food, complain a lot, trip over things. If it's been a couple centuries since you last tripped over something, watch a few mortals and study how they do it.

I really hope this will help. The last thing I want to hear is that one of my own kind is now in a coffin permanently.

The Trials of being a "Halfling"

Two things before I get into the subject of this days post: first of all, your fledgling fang blog mistress is currently looking for a job. Which means I'm going to be putting a lot less effort into terrorizing the villagers and more into handing out resumes. Anyone know of any places that will hire a bloodsucking monster? Second of all, the lovely Miss from this blog is writing a novel with a character based on me! Oh, happy happy joy joy! I guess people actually do read my inane rambling nonsense!

Now, onto more important matters; that is, what I'm going to ramble about today. Why, half vampires, of course! Now if you've read one of my earlier posts, I stated that while two vampires can't have children, a human and a vampire can get together to have a human child. But where do half vampires fit in? Is there even such a thing?

When I first learned of the mating habits of vampires (doesn't that sound creepy?) and the whole 'mommy vampire + daddy human = baby human' thing, I assumed that there was no such thing as half vampires. That is, until just yesterday when I learned from Alora that half vampires do exists. And they're all around us.

It all has to do with genetics, basically. Recessive genes, homozygous traits and all that crap. Bascially, if two parents are carriers of a vampiric gene (because apparently that exists... Oh, the things you learn when hanging around the graveyard!) and they get together to make a baby, that baby will be what's known as a 'half vampire'. Now I have no idea why they're called 'half vampires'. Maybe it's easier than saying 'humans with a bit of vampire gene in them'?

As a further example, let's say that your great great great grandfather on your mother's side was a vampire. Over the years the vampiric nature was lost. Your mother is 100% human, but she still carries the vampire gene. Your father is the same; he's human, but he carries a vampire gene because someone, somewhere along the lines of his family was a vampire. Then your two carrier parents get together and have you. Their carrier genes get together and tada! You're a half vampire!

Typical signs of being a 'halfling' are:

• 
  
  Sensitivity to light. You probably burn extremely easily, you may have extreme photophobia, and all that.


• 
  
  "Night Owl-ism". You have a hard time sleeping at night. After all, daytime is the time for sleeping.


• 
  
  Super senses. Okay, so maybe your senses won't be exactly super, but you probably have better hearing than most people your age. The crappy beats and annoying voices of pop songs probably really get on your nerves, too.


• 
  
  An attraction to "spooky" things. There's a reason we vampires like coffins and black roses. Well, actually, there really isn't a reason. We just like them. And if you're the kind of human who reeeeally likes these things too well... you might just have a little vamp in you.

Now, say you are convinced that you are a half vampire. What should you do? Go drink blood? Jump off buildings in an attempt to fly? Um... no. Not at all. Because, remember, you're still human. Just because you've got some of the genes, doesn't mean you should be acting like a full vampire. That's pretty freaking dangerous don't you think? Just keep your head up high and hope that you'll one day meet your own prince of darkness who will turn you full-on fang.

The Vampire is Just Not that Into You (Review)

Yet another review (aren't you lucky?), this time for a book that I find very, very amusing. I first found it in my library's 'teen non-fiction' section, between books on how to deal with peer pressure and puberty. (Naturally it was later moved to the 'teen humour fiction' section.)

The Vampire is Just Not that Into You is written by Vlad Mezrich, a vampire and undead dating specialist, and this book is a handy guide for teenagers girls on, well, how to date a vampire.

The book is divided into three sections: part one deals with first of all snagging the vampire of your dreams. How can you tell if he's really a vampire, and not some mopey Goth kid? What are some ways to get his attention? Part two gives you tips on how to keep your vampire once you've started dating. And part three? Well, it's full of reasons why vampire-human relationships never work out and how it's always the human's fault ('cause, you know, you guys eat and breath and that can get annoying.)

Mezrich's work is full of quizzes, diagrams, charts and real-life testimonials from human girls and the vampires they've dated, and provides a ton of amusement (at least for me...). How do you dress when going to meet his parents? How should you act when hanging out with his (undead) friends? What are some behaviours of yours that really bother him? What are some items you should carry around in case the breakup gets really messy? This handy guide provides all the answers!

Now there are a few things I don't really like about this book (such as how vampire-human relationships never work out, when obviously they do), or how it mentions that vampires sparkle and play baseball (though that's probably just to make fun of a particular "vampire book series" that we all know and love). But I'm willing to put that aside and enjoy reading. I'd definitely recommend this to anyone who has thought about dating a vampire. Because remember girls: "Once you go vamp you never decamp".

Bloodsucking Legends from Around the World (Part I)

So, it's been over a month since I last posted, which means I am a very bad blog mistress. Which also means that, for the next few months, I'm going to be posting like a mad vampire. I have a lot of things to ramble about; you've been warned.

But first I must say that just recently I was on vacation with the family unit. I was outside for about ten minutes eating lunch one day, and the most horrible thing happened: I tanned. Oh, it is awful! That's the price a vampire has to pay; go outside for a few minutes and wind up with your skin a lovely shade of golden brown. Sigh. Well, while I go look up different skin lightening techniques, please enjoy this post on one of the creepiest vampire myths I have ever come across:

The Penanggalan

This particular legend originates from the Malay Peninsula. The Penanggalan is a detached female head capable of flying around while it's inner organs dangle beneath it (picture above; image courtesy of google images), and these organs apparently light up like fireflies as it flies through the night sky (Oh, maybe that's where the sparkly vampire thing came from! Pretty morbid if you ask me...)

According to folklore there are quite a few origins for the creature. The Penanggalan is often described as a beautiful woman who obtained beauty or supernatural powers through black magic or a pact with the devil. Naturally, this kind of thing rarely works out and the woman is forever cursed to be a blood-sucking monster. One version of the tale says that the Penanggalan was once a beautiful preistess who was taking a bath in a tub of vinegar. While bathing and being in a meditative state a man enters the room and startles her. She jerks her head to look up and it is pulled right off of her body. The priestess is engraged and attacks the man (i.e, her head flies at him). With this particular legend the Penanggalan carries an odour of vinegar wherever it flies.

Once daylight comes around the Penanggalan must soak it's organs in vinegar in order to shrink them so they may fit back into it's body. During the day the creature looks like a normal woman, and the only indication is that unmistakable vinegary scent.

The victims of the Penanggalan are traditionally pregnant women and young children. The Penanggalan will perch on the roof of a building where a woman is giving birth, screeching when the child is born. It will then insert a long, invisible tounge into the house to lap up the new mother's blood.


To protect against the Penanggalan, people would scatter the thornly leaves of a certain plant that would scratch and injure it's organs. Sometimes these leaves would be wound around window frames to ensare it. Families would plant pineapples underneath their houses (traditional Malay houses are built on stilts), and the prickly fruit would deter the Penanggalan from entering through the floorboards. Once captured a Penanggalan can be killed with a machete, and as an extra precaution pregnant women may sleep with scissors under her pillow, as the creature is afraid of them. Either that, or you find it's body and fill it with glass, therefore preventing the Penanggalan from returning to the body.


So yeah, that's about it. Pretty creepy, right? Excuse me while I go plant pineapples around my bedroom window...

"Mom... dad.... I'm a vampire"

So I wanted on doing a post for World Goth Day, however I was not at home at the time. I was at Otafest, decked out in stripey tights, a poofy skirt with a pocket watch dangling from my belt, hanging out with a bunch of Goth/Raver-type guys who found great joy in party boying a man dressed like Captain Jack Sparrow. They gave me lots of hugs and were rather... interested in my parasol. Hhmm... (Pictured above is a photo of me taken on that day by a friend {Hakuuuu~♥}. Yes, yes. Photograph of a vampire. Yes it's very special and amazing. Oh, wait. No it isn't.)

Anyway, on to other important matters: Just yesterday myself and a few other teen fangs were having a serious discussion. Okay, so, maybe at the time it wasn't that serious, what with us giggling and all that. But after wards, relaxing in my coffin later that evening, I couldn't help but think of the magnitude of what we were talking about. And just what were we talking about, you may ask? Why, coming out of the coffin! Obviously, that phrase is used to describe the act of telling your friends, family, coworkers and any other morals close to you the truth about your vampiric identity (that you are, in fact, a vampire).

Ah, my coming out story. Naturally, I had a love for dark clothing and vampires since before I actually joined the ranks of the undead, so my parents weren't really surprised. At all. A little wary at first, but that's to be expected.

But what about the hordes of other fangs, whose parents may not be so ready to accept their coffins 'n' blood lifestyle, or who may worry that their friends may delete them from facebook because they no longer have the desire to get a tan? Because I am such a nice person (heh heh heh...) I've decided to put together a handy little guide line of things to do when coming out of the coffin:

1) Do your research There's a picture of me front and center in this post. Which means that, yes, we can be photographed. We have reflections, and though we are nocturnal and don't like sunlight doesn't mean we burst into flames in it. Spend some time learning; try to meet other vampires in your area (it's actually not that hard. Just fly around sometime after midnight. You're bound to run into someone). Spend some time outdoors to test your tolerance to sunlight (everyone differs), as well as other things such as garlic, bells and crosses. The more vampire myths that you can prove wrong, the better.

2) Prepare your supplies! Blood is, of course, mandatory. Whether you like it or not. Of course, hunting down humans on the street is very not commonplace today, and could get you into a heapload of trouble. So don't do it. Ties to the hospitals and butchers are good (if you aren't sure about how to go about doing this, ask a few other vampires for help. Chances are they have connections). Same goes for coffins. Coffins can be very expensive. I happen to know a few people who can hook me up with a new casket for a reasonable price. If anybody wants to know names, feel free to contact me.

3) Avoid Halloween This is obvious. Avoid coming out around or on Halloween, or they'll think it's just a joke. Same goes for April Fool's Day or after you've just watched a Twilight marathon.

4) Keep calm and compromise Yes, I know. It's scary. Just keep your voice calm, don't get your cape in a not and don't threaten to drain their blood and you should be fine. Explain that you're still their daughter/son/employee and that you are still the same person, just with fangs. You can set up rules: no drinking blood from your coffee cup except during break time, your coffin has to be kept out of sight of visitors, etc. Whatever makes everyone feel more comfortable with having a vampire in the family.

Well, that's about it. Hope some of you got some useful information from this (you should be thanking me for this!) Until next time...

You're weird... you deserve it

I had original planned to do a post on some of the different vampire legends from around the world, but a recent post at the Ultimate Goth Guide (a blog created by a very interesting mortal indeed) caught my attention.

The stories within that post got me thinking: I'm one of the lucky few. The 'weird one' who was never picked on, teased, bullied. Well, not completely. I've had people call me a 'freak' and an 'emo kid' (even though I never found those phrases to be all that insulting). I've had people stomp on my feet, very obviously start whispering about me when I was around, and others make comments about how I'm a witch and I sit in the corner of my bedroom contemplating suicide. While that doesn't exactly sound pleasant, those incidents are nowhere near to comparing to some of the things that happened to other little gothlings (I like to think that the reason I wasn't bullied much as a kid is because other people could somehow sense that I would one day become a ferocious blood-drinking monster, but that's probably not the case...).

It's a sad fact that many people respond to things that they don't like or don't understand with violence, whether it's to a different race, sexuality or unusual hair colour. It makes me sick. I have blue hair and multiple facial piercings; does that mean I deserve to have things thrown at me? I enjoy wearing velvet and corsets; does that mean it's my fault when people harass me? I'm nocturnal and sleep in a coffin; does that make me any less human? (Well, okay. You got me on that one. But you get my point.)

The other sad thing about all of this is that many people think it's the odd person's fault. "They should know by now that if they dress weird they're going to get unwanted attention!" And, you know what? That's true. We do know that our appearances are different and therefore not many people will understand us. And we do know that, again, many people respond in negative ways to things that they don't understand. But you know what else? We shouldn't have to worry about that. Everyone should have the freedom to dress however they want without fear of having their faces beaten in.

If a Muslim woman, who chooses to wear traditional garb, is the victim of a crime, is it her fault for choosing to "look that way"? No, not at all. If a Goth, who chooses to dress in a darker fashion, is a victim of a crime, is it his fault for choosing to "look that way"? No, not at all.

All this talk is really starting to make my blood boil. But you know what would stop it? Putting an end to this prejudice. The elation I feel when I see a 'normal person' standing up for a 'freak' is nothing short of amazing. We really need more of that in the world. We're all people; we all deserve to be treated the same.

Well, that's it for this post. Wow, ranting really makes me thirsty...

Sweet dreams are made of this

A few weeks ago I went with a friend to see the movie Suckerpunch, and was completely blown away. It was really good; much better than I had been expecting. Thus, I have decided to post a review (isn't that something most bloggers do? Review a bunch of things. Hmmm...) (Image source: google images).

The movie starts out with a rather sad scene, in which the protagonist Babydoll and her young sister discover that their mother has just died. The deceased woman in question leaves her inheritance to her daughters, much to her husband (and the girl stepfather's) rage. He lashes out and in a series of unfortunate events while trying to protect her little sister Babydoll winds up in a mental institution.

Of course, it isn't your average whacky shack; it actually seems to double as a brothel, for some odd reason, which seems quite disgusting, but all of the girls seem to have a really close-knit bond and try to help each other get through the hard times. Babydoll becomes close to a few of the girls: Rocket, Blondie (who has dark hair, I might add), Amber and Rocket's older sister Sweet Pea. Shortly upon arriving Babydoll also discovers that she is scheduled for a lobotomy in only a few days, and plans to escape before then.

One day young Babydoll is asked to dance to some rather provocative-sounding music. As she does so she retreats to a fantasy world within her mind. There she meets a strange man who tells her she must find five things in order to find freedom: a map, a key, fire, a knife and some secret item that only she can supply. She then has to fight a group of monsters (yay action scene!).

Back in the real world Babydoll tells the others about her plan and they agree to help her get the items. Each time they plan to get one Babydoll provides a distraction by dancing, and each time she dances she is transported to the fantasy world which loosely reflects the real one. Throw in some German corpses kept 'alive' by steam power and clockwork, a vengeful mother dragon, some robots and some pretty insane plot twists, and you have Suckerpunch.

I, personally, loved the movie. It was unlike anything I'd seen in a long time. I've heard other people say it's too 'confusing' or it seems like some stupid movie only 14-year-old anime fans would like because it features a girl in a skimpy schoolgirl outfit wielding a katana. I, however, beg to differ. The feel of the movie is what got me, a world in the past that is mixed with elements of the future. Not really Steampunk (though a little to some degree), it also brings in sci-fi, fantasy, burlesque and Gothy elements and places them into a nice little package that doesn't seem like a bunch of random crap thrown together blindly in order to seem cool. That, and the soundtrack is pretty neat too.

In other news, there's another movie coming out next month that I must see called Priest. A post-apocalyptic vampire story? Yes, please.

April 20th, 1912

While most of the inferior beings are today celebrating four-twenty or whatever it is, I (and several other vampires like me) are celebrating (or, in some cases, mourning) the death of Bram Stoker.






Jus' sayin'.

Well... that was a surprise.

Again with my ultra-creative titles!

Mortals, I have been nominated for a Versatile Blogger Award... strange considering I don't think I'm very versatile. I rant about crap. But then again, who am I to judge? I was nominated by a very lovely miss. Here, have a link to her blog!: http://p2pthedailylife.wordpress.com/ Thank you very much for nominating me! And recognizing my warped sense of humour! (Truly, I am flattered!) Now, onto the rules of this award:

1. Thank and link the person who nominated you. Which I have done. Quite fabulously.

2. Share seven random facts about yourself.

3. Pass the award onto fifteen "blogging buddies". (Hmm. That's a... cute word. Wait... fifteen? How am I supposed to get fifteen??)

4. Contact said "buddies" (...) and congratulate them. Again, Hmm....

Okay, so... seven random facts.

1. I am a vampire. (I know I know. Not very 'random' or surprising... but hey. It's a fact).

2. I can't remember what my natural hair colour is. I think it's a light brownish blonde... or something. I don't know. It's black-blue-green right now, that's all I can say.

3. I think type O blood is the nastiest stuff on earth. Seriously. It sucks, and not in an awesome vampire-type way.

4. If I didn't have to go to school and could focus all my efforts on doing things that are really important to me... well... I'd be an airship pirate by now.

5. My biggest guilty pleasure would have to be those cheesy supernatural romance YA novels. Why? 'Cause they make me feel smart? No... that's not it... because they are all amazingly well-written and have incredibly deep plots and well-rounded characters? Ha, fat chance.... Guess it's a mystery...

6. I have a t-shirt that says I ♥ VAMPIRES on it. And I wear it proudly. Damn proudly.

7. I'm really on a mini tophat/parasol/bustle kick lately... and I don't really know why.

Now, for my fifteen blogs.... oh, who am I kidding? I don't know fifteen blogs. I don't read that many. This is going to be a challenge...

The Ultimate Goth Guide

A lovely and very informative guide to... something... I think it starts with a 'g'...

http://ultimategothguide.blogspot.com/

Club For Change

A club at my school that I am a part of. We talk about our 'missions' for the club and whatnot. Hopefully it'll get more active...

http://clubforchange.blogspot.com/

The General Specific

Or whatever..... A mortal friend's tumblr, full of interesting thingy-ma-bobs.

http://my-name-is-strange.tumblr.com/post/4700038641/biostar-cristian-blanxer

Hmm... three. I guess that's a start. I'll probably be updating this as time goes on and I find more blog-type-thingies. Until next time!

Changes and Friends

New blog layout! ('Tis fabulous, no? {Or would that be fang-ulous? I dunno...}) As well, my name has been changed. I am now Lucidia LeFang. Why, you are now asking yourself, did I change my name? The answer is quite simple, actually.

I've been hanging out with a lot of other fledgling fangs lately (they're all under 50 years old, which means they don't treat me like dung beneath their pointy-toed boots). (Yes, I hang with other vampires. I'll talk more about them later). Anyway, their names are Crowler, Rasputin, Alora and Brutus. Hardcore, I know. Those are their birth names, bytheway (I know right? I am TOTALLY jealous. But more on that later as well...) So we were talking, and they decided I needed a new name. One as flamboyant and boisterous and dark and mysterious as my vampire self.

Thus, Lucidia LeFang. I think it suits me well, don't you? Yes, yes you do. Or else.

Now, onto the information regarding my newfound vampiric pals. It all started one night while I was out flying. I'm not to good at flying yet, so I've been heading out on every clear night to practice. Unfortunately, that night I had accidentally run into a stray storm cloud, which messed around with my vision and sense of direction. And then I ran into Brutus.

It was a head-on collision, and we both hit the ground. Of course, since we're both immortal, we weren't hurt. But that didn't stop him from yelling at me, which was quite scary.

Let me tell you something: I'm a blood-drinking creature of the night. Do you think a lot of things scare me? No, not at all. But Brutus did. He's a good six-foot-four, with black eyes and the sharpest fangs I've ever seen. He has no hair (shaves his head) and was wearing a very matrix-style trench coat at the time. Anyway, he was yelling at me and making an un-Godly racket, but then he stopped. He smiled suddenly and said: "Oh, you're a vampire, too! My bad!"

Well no shit sherlock. I was just flying 'cause I'm a duck. (If it looks like a duck, and sounds like a duck, then it's obviously a vampire).

So anyway, he introduced himself. When I told him my name, he snorted and had to hold back a giggle or something, the ass. He then informed me that my name "wasn't very vampire" and proceded to mock me. Just like a jerk would. (As you can plainly tell, I don't like Brutus very much.) But since he was the first young vampire I'd ever met I decided to hang out with him. We flew around and he taught me the coolest tricks on how to avoid clouds and hitching rides on airplanes. He also taught me a thing or two about vamp-slang, because (apparently) that exists. We then flew back to his place (he has a very messy coffin, BTW. Worse than mine), which is where I met Alora, his girlfriend and the only girl in their group. And then Crowler and Rasputin showed up, and Brutus announced that I needed a new name.

The End.

I'm super excited that I met them, of course. I can FINALLY use the phrase "spooktacular" and not be stared at like a crazy person. We've hung out several nights, which is awesome to say the least. Now if only I could convince them to get facebook...

FOR THE CHILDREN.

*Stares at title* Wow... I'm creative.

First off, a message to kay-wathesmokelives, the dear little mortal who gave me a coffin-shaped iPhone. Or rather, a picture of a coffin-shaped iPhone, that I must now hunt down! I need one! I need one badly! (Anywho, thanks for that. I won't have to drain your blood now! *totally non-creepy smile*)

Now, onto the rest of this post. The topic? Child vampires. I, myself, am against child vampires. I mean, imagine it: being a two-hundred-year-old savage killing machine trapped in the body of a six-year-old. Nobody would take you seriously; everybody would treat you like a simpleton; you couldn't reach the top shelf at Wal-Mart no matter how hard you tried.

...

Well, maybe you could... it would just look really weird. A little kid climbing up the shelves? Now that's news-worthy.

I was turned when I was sixteen, which means I'm going to be trapped in the body of a sixteen-year-old forever. Which isn't that bad. I'm still fairly young, true, but I'm old enough to be seen as an adult, and I won't have to worry about little old ladies pinching my cheeks and cooing about how adorable I am.

There has been a recent uproar in the Vampire Community after the discovery of a three-month-old vampire. Yes, some sicko turned a three-month-old baby because she was "lonely and always wanted a daughter". However, what she failed to realize is that that poor child is going to be stuck at that age for an eternity. So you can see where the uproar started.

I, myself, am appalled by the very thought of that. The poor kid! What's going to happen to her? Only time will tell...

Most child vampires are the result of adult vampires desperately wanting children. Adorable little vampire children. "Of course," you may say. "Because vampires can't have children! It's perfectly understandable for them to do that!"

No, no it's not. Why? Because vampires can have children.

Well, actually, two vampires can't get together and make a baby for some odd reason, however mommy vampire+daddy human (or vice-versa)= human baby. (Yes, human, for reasons that escape my completely non-scientific in the least mind). It usually goes down like this:

Mommy Vampire and Daddy Human have Human Baby. Daddy Human will usually stay human for a little while to better take care of Human Baby during the day (without succumbing to nocturnal tendencies), and then Mommy Vampire will turn him into Daddy Vampire. They will raise Human Baby, who will grow into Human Child, Human Preteen, etc., all the while learning about their vampire heritage (and they'll probably sleep in a coffin). When Human Baby finally becomes Human Adult (usually between the ages of 19-25), they will be turned (by Vampire Parents, or another close vampire) UNLESS they want to make a baby with another vampire. They'll stay human for that. And the cycle will continue again...

Adoption's a more common practice, though. Adopt a baby (preferably a really young one who won't be freaked out when they realize that Mommy and Daddy drink blood), raise them to adulthood and then turn them when they're adults! YAY!

So, you see, turning a littlie isn't necessary. At all. It's quite sick, actually. I'm not the only one who thinks that: every other vampire I've spoken with thinks that.

Well, it's been an interesting couple of days. Now I must leave, and ask a few of my fellow undeads a few things about the Battle Of Tannenberg (history class is ace when you have pals who were actually present at the time! HELL YES!)

See you all soon!

Of birthdays and turning 1700

As you all know, yesterday was my birthday (and if you didn't know, shame on you!) I had a fang-tabulous day, full of cake and pressies and magical sparkly bats. Unfortunately I had to drag myself out of my coffin at noon in order to get my presents, but ... eh... it was worth it.

HERE! HAVE A LIST OF BIRTHDAY PRESSIES!

• 100 dollars from the parental units for my upcoming trip in May (I'mma be terrorizing the mortals in Calgary. Should be fun!)
• A lace choker with a pendant from one of my mortal friends, Darth Vlad Necromancer of Innocence. The pendant almost looks like a cross, but it isn't which means I can touch it without my skin burning. YAY!
• This magical magic-thingy cassette player type thingy for my car. Maybe now I'll actually drive more, instead of flying everywhere! (Eh... maybe not.)
• A necklace. With a pirate coin pendant! (From Mel, Melvin, Manny, Manfred... you know who you are.)

Wow... short list. I expected people to give me more things. Maybe I should threaten to drink their blood next time. Then they might stake me.... that wouldn't be too much fun.

Anyhoodle, yes, I am now seventeen! 'Cause I'm sweeter than sixteen! (Points for whoever knows where that line is from). Yet it's a bit bitter-sweet. Why? Because vampires are seventeen. REAL VAMPIRES are several hundred years old. They are world-weary and carry a sophisticated air of eras gone by.

In other words, VAMPIRES CAN'T BE TEENAGERS. Every time I tell someone that I am, in fact, an undead creature of the night, and I tell them my age they all come up with the same reaction:

"You can't be a vampire! You're too young!"

Oh, really now? Puh-lease! Everyone has to start somewhere! Dracula... Lestat... Fredward Cullen... they were all teenagers at some point! SO CALM DOWN. I'm a vampire now, and I'll still be one in a thousand years. And when that time comes I'll find you and dance on your grave and laugh and sing, because you're dead and I'm not 'cause I'm a vampire. So hah!

Wow... I'm feeling bitter. Think I'm gonna go snuggle up in my coffin now. Toodles, mortals!

HAPPY MOTHER-BLOOD-SUCKING HEART DAY MORTALS.

Yes, a Valentine's day post. Why? Well, why not?

I'm just kidding. This post will have nothing to do with the chocolates-and-hearts-and-flowers holiday that we all adore. Why? Because I'm single and I'm bitter. That's why.

Just a short post, because I feel like talking. About me, mostly.

Don't you just hate it when you know that something good is going to happen, yet you have to wait for it? It's that feeling that just fills you with immense ungodly rage, right?
Yes, my birthday's coming up soon, but not soon enough for my liking, no sirree-bob! All this waiting is threatening to make me go insane. In fact, I think it has driven me insane! So to pass the time I've been trying to entertain myself by:

• painting my nails (First black, then dark red. Then I ran out of the awesome vampire nail polish and had to steal some from The Little Sister. Yellow nail polish is... interesting. And hurts my eyes something fierce.
• considering making Valentine's cards and giving chocolate to my friends. But then I thought, why would I do that? Why would I waste perfectly good chocolate on them?
• cleaning my coffin (and the rest of my room while I'm at it).
• trying to curl my hair. That didn't work out too well...
• trying (yet again) to turn into a bat. I will have success! ONE OF THESE NIGHTS!

(Ain't my life interesting? Yeah...)

Well, that's about it for this update post. I'm feeling quite thirsty now. Gonna go hunt down someone to drink.

Toodles!

Serious business...

(... Is serious.)

I want you to do me a favour: look at your calendar. What day is it? January 25th. Hmmmm, I see... Now why is Lucidia making such a big deal of it? Oh, no reason.

Other than the fact that there is now (officially) one month until my birthday. Which, you know, isn't that big of a deal.....

...

...

...

Okay, I can't do this. IT'S A HUGE MOTHERSUCKING DEAL. SERIOUSNESS. I AM EXCITED. SERIOUSLY. I MADE A BIRTHDAY LIST YOU GUYS. THAT'S HOW EXCITED I AM.

Master Lucidia's Birthday List Extraordinaire:

1. A new coffin. My old one smells like a blood-drinking corpse. (You know... other than me.)
2. An iPod. What? Vampires like technology, too.
3. The ability to turn into a bat. I want this badly.
4. A CAPE! EVERY VAMPIRE NEEDS A CAPE.
5. Some more A- blood. I think it' s my new favourite.
6. World Domination. Just for the lulz.

Hmm. Short list is short. I must think of more things to ask people for!

Now, onto other matters. Matters that concern me greatly. And what may those be? Camera flashes.

Again with the seriousness people! Went for family photos the other day (which is torture even as a human!) Within fifteen minutes I was rolling on the ground, my vision blurry, hissing and spitting like an angry cat. The photographer was quite obviously disturbed. My mum on the other hand just rolled her eyes and said "Oh, she does this all the time. You should have seen her during our trip to the beach over the summer).

Not cool mom, not cool. Not my fault I'm a vampire, and am therefore extremely sensitive to light and crap like that. Speaking of which, the sun has set, which means it's time for me to go!

Blood to drink, villagers to terrorize!

Trust me on this one, mortals

If you have plans to become a vampire, lose those extra ten pounds first. You'll thank me for this.

Okay, okay, that's probably a little confusing. I'm sure you're all thinking, "Wait a minute, aren't vampires pretty? Why do I care if I have a few extra pounds to lose? As soon as I join the underworld I'll be perfectly BEAUTIFUL!"

No, no you won't.

Did you know that if a vampire with long hair gets it cut short, their hair will grow back to it's original length the next night? Yes, even if a vampire shaves his head, the very next night his hair will be back to what it was before, which is why a lot of vampires like wearing wigs to give them more variety. (I mean really, if you think having the same hairstyle since the 1980's is bad, imagine having the same since the 1580's.)

So if a vampire's hair grows back overday, guess what happens to their weight?

Yep. Even if they lose the weight, it'll come right back. Which sucks major blood. So before you decide to get bitten, eat a salad. Or two. Or ten. And do some sit ups.

You won't regret it.

Now, time for a rant:

If I'm fast asleep at 3:00 in the afternoon, DO NOT wake me up. I need my rest! I need it like I need blood. I do not need you coming in and pushing the lid of my coffin off, Luna. I don't need you jumping in and licking my face and acting so cheerful. Luna, you are a bitch.

Please note that I am talking about my dog. Yeah, she has a thing for jumping in my coffin. Not appreciated. Not appreciated at all. Which makes her a bitch in more ways than one.