Hiding Out (An Update)

I feel I should apologize for my extreme lack of posting. You know, in case there's anyone out there who actually reads these posts of mine. And I'm assuming there is, unless the no-posting thing has scared everyone away. Now, at the end of August I managed to get a job. Yes, a job. I am now a working vampire! It's not that easy, having to resist the urge to bare my fangs and hiss at any and all rude customers, but I do my best. I was feeling pretty good about myself at first, but then things changed.

One particular night, I noticed a customer acting rather strange. He was really jumpy, and I caught him staring at me. Not in that 'Oh hey, she's kinda hot' sort of way, but mostly in a way that spelled pure hatred. I didn't think much of it, and continued on with my work. But still, it bugged me. I became even more worried when I walked outside to my car (note: I drive to work, in order to keep up the human facade), and discovered that a cross had been keyed into the driver's door. Not sure what this meant, I texted Alora and asked her opinion on the whole ordeal. Her response?

"Get home now. Theres a vamp hunter after u."


That comment alone was enough to scare the batshit out of me. I hurried home and hid out in my coffin for several hours until Alora and Brutus came by. Sure enough, the guy giving me a death glare at work is a known vampire hunter. Since I'm still pretty much a fledgling, I didn't know that. And I'm sort of wishing I had, so I could avoid this whole ordeal.

So what happened after that? I had to hide out, become as human as possible. Which means that updating a tell-all vampire blog was off-limits. Fun, huh? Yeah, not really. These past few months have dragged by. I was beginning to think that I might have actually turned back into a human. Seriously.

But the hunters have moved on, and I am safe. Undead and unharmed. (You were all worried about me, weren't you? Yes, you were.) Which means that I'll hopefully be able to post more often. Unless another vampire hunter comes after me (but let's hope I learned from this experience...)

Bloodsucking Legends from Around the World (Part I)

So, it's been over a month since I last posted, which means I am a very bad blog mistress. Which also means that, for the next few months, I'm going to be posting like a mad vampire. I have a lot of things to ramble about; you've been warned.

But first I must say that just recently I was on vacation with the family unit. I was outside for about ten minutes eating lunch one day, and the most horrible thing happened: I tanned. Oh, it is awful! That's the price a vampire has to pay; go outside for a few minutes and wind up with your skin a lovely shade of golden brown. Sigh. Well, while I go look up different skin lightening techniques, please enjoy this post on one of the creepiest vampire myths I have ever come across:

The Penanggalan

This particular legend originates from the Malay Peninsula. The Penanggalan is a detached female head capable of flying around while it's inner organs dangle beneath it (picture above; image courtesy of google images), and these organs apparently light up like fireflies as it flies through the night sky (Oh, maybe that's where the sparkly vampire thing came from! Pretty morbid if you ask me...)

According to folklore there are quite a few origins for the creature. The Penanggalan is often described as a beautiful woman who obtained beauty or supernatural powers through black magic or a pact with the devil. Naturally, this kind of thing rarely works out and the woman is forever cursed to be a blood-sucking monster. One version of the tale says that the Penanggalan was once a beautiful preistess who was taking a bath in a tub of vinegar. While bathing and being in a meditative state a man enters the room and startles her. She jerks her head to look up and it is pulled right off of her body. The priestess is engraged and attacks the man (i.e, her head flies at him). With this particular legend the Penanggalan carries an odour of vinegar wherever it flies.

Once daylight comes around the Penanggalan must soak it's organs in vinegar in order to shrink them so they may fit back into it's body. During the day the creature looks like a normal woman, and the only indication is that unmistakable vinegary scent.

The victims of the Penanggalan are traditionally pregnant women and young children. The Penanggalan will perch on the roof of a building where a woman is giving birth, screeching when the child is born. It will then insert a long, invisible tounge into the house to lap up the new mother's blood.


To protect against the Penanggalan, people would scatter the thornly leaves of a certain plant that would scratch and injure it's organs. Sometimes these leaves would be wound around window frames to ensare it. Families would plant pineapples underneath their houses (traditional Malay houses are built on stilts), and the prickly fruit would deter the Penanggalan from entering through the floorboards. Once captured a Penanggalan can be killed with a machete, and as an extra precaution pregnant women may sleep with scissors under her pillow, as the creature is afraid of them. Either that, or you find it's body and fill it with glass, therefore preventing the Penanggalan from returning to the body.


So yeah, that's about it. Pretty creepy, right? Excuse me while I go plant pineapples around my bedroom window...

Changes and Friends

New blog layout! ('Tis fabulous, no? {Or would that be fang-ulous? I dunno...}) As well, my name has been changed. I am now Lucidia LeFang. Why, you are now asking yourself, did I change my name? The answer is quite simple, actually.

I've been hanging out with a lot of other fledgling fangs lately (they're all under 50 years old, which means they don't treat me like dung beneath their pointy-toed boots). (Yes, I hang with other vampires. I'll talk more about them later). Anyway, their names are Crowler, Rasputin, Alora and Brutus. Hardcore, I know. Those are their birth names, bytheway (I know right? I am TOTALLY jealous. But more on that later as well...) So we were talking, and they decided I needed a new name. One as flamboyant and boisterous and dark and mysterious as my vampire self.

Thus, Lucidia LeFang. I think it suits me well, don't you? Yes, yes you do. Or else.

Now, onto the information regarding my newfound vampiric pals. It all started one night while I was out flying. I'm not to good at flying yet, so I've been heading out on every clear night to practice. Unfortunately, that night I had accidentally run into a stray storm cloud, which messed around with my vision and sense of direction. And then I ran into Brutus.

It was a head-on collision, and we both hit the ground. Of course, since we're both immortal, we weren't hurt. But that didn't stop him from yelling at me, which was quite scary.

Let me tell you something: I'm a blood-drinking creature of the night. Do you think a lot of things scare me? No, not at all. But Brutus did. He's a good six-foot-four, with black eyes and the sharpest fangs I've ever seen. He has no hair (shaves his head) and was wearing a very matrix-style trench coat at the time. Anyway, he was yelling at me and making an un-Godly racket, but then he stopped. He smiled suddenly and said: "Oh, you're a vampire, too! My bad!"

Well no shit sherlock. I was just flying 'cause I'm a duck. (If it looks like a duck, and sounds like a duck, then it's obviously a vampire).

So anyway, he introduced himself. When I told him my name, he snorted and had to hold back a giggle or something, the ass. He then informed me that my name "wasn't very vampire" and proceded to mock me. Just like a jerk would. (As you can plainly tell, I don't like Brutus very much.) But since he was the first young vampire I'd ever met I decided to hang out with him. We flew around and he taught me the coolest tricks on how to avoid clouds and hitching rides on airplanes. He also taught me a thing or two about vamp-slang, because (apparently) that exists. We then flew back to his place (he has a very messy coffin, BTW. Worse than mine), which is where I met Alora, his girlfriend and the only girl in their group. And then Crowler and Rasputin showed up, and Brutus announced that I needed a new name.

The End.

I'm super excited that I met them, of course. I can FINALLY use the phrase "spooktacular" and not be stared at like a crazy person. We've hung out several nights, which is awesome to say the least. Now if only I could convince them to get facebook...

HAPPY MOTHER-BLOOD-SUCKING HEART DAY MORTALS.

Yes, a Valentine's day post. Why? Well, why not?

I'm just kidding. This post will have nothing to do with the chocolates-and-hearts-and-flowers holiday that we all adore. Why? Because I'm single and I'm bitter. That's why.

Just a short post, because I feel like talking. About me, mostly.

Don't you just hate it when you know that something good is going to happen, yet you have to wait for it? It's that feeling that just fills you with immense ungodly rage, right?
Yes, my birthday's coming up soon, but not soon enough for my liking, no sirree-bob! All this waiting is threatening to make me go insane. In fact, I think it has driven me insane! So to pass the time I've been trying to entertain myself by:

• painting my nails (First black, then dark red. Then I ran out of the awesome vampire nail polish and had to steal some from The Little Sister. Yellow nail polish is... interesting. And hurts my eyes something fierce.
• considering making Valentine's cards and giving chocolate to my friends. But then I thought, why would I do that? Why would I waste perfectly good chocolate on them?
• cleaning my coffin (and the rest of my room while I'm at it).
• trying to curl my hair. That didn't work out too well...
• trying (yet again) to turn into a bat. I will have success! ONE OF THESE NIGHTS!

(Ain't my life interesting? Yeah...)

Well, that's about it for this update post. I'm feeling quite thirsty now. Gonna go hunt down someone to drink.

Toodles!

WHAT YOU TALKIN' 'BOUT, WILLIS?

You know, I never knew that vampires could get headaches. Well, apparently I can. I blame NaNoWriMo. It ate my brain. BUT AT LEAST I FINISHED MY NOVEL! JOYOUS OCCASION!

Now, some of you may be wondering just what my novel was about, right? Well I'll tell you one thing for sure: it's not about vampires. It's about faeries. And a cancer patient. And slaughtered goats. And a douche bag named Stephen. And an apparently insane kid covered in tattoos with an awesome Irish name. Yeah. My faeries are cooler than your faeries.

Anywho, an update of recent events that have been going on in my afterlife:

~I have discovered that I CAN NOT turn into a bat. Either that, or I've been Doin' It Wrong.

~I have discovered that I CAN fly. It happened when I fell from a perilous height (meaning a stepladder. What? Doesn't matter how high up it is, it's still frickin' scary when you fall.) So I fell, and when it got to the part where I was supposed to hit the ground... I didn't. I still have no real idea how it happened, it just did.

~I finally lined my coffin with velvet. Now when I slam my head against the lid, it doesn't hurt as bloody much.

~I have discovered that mixing a cup of caribou blood with a crushed candy cane tastes really, REALLY good, and is great for getting into the holiday spirit!

~I have also discovered that the easiest way to make a vampire go insane is to force them to listen to autotune rap music. Seriously. Our sensitive ears can't handle the madness.

Now, what else to talk about? What could I possibly type that's interesting enough that you humans will want to read it?

Well, nothing. I'm out.