Bloodsucking Legends from Around the World (Part I)

So, it's been over a month since I last posted, which means I am a very bad blog mistress. Which also means that, for the next few months, I'm going to be posting like a mad vampire. I have a lot of things to ramble about; you've been warned.

But first I must say that just recently I was on vacation with the family unit. I was outside for about ten minutes eating lunch one day, and the most horrible thing happened: I tanned. Oh, it is awful! That's the price a vampire has to pay; go outside for a few minutes and wind up with your skin a lovely shade of golden brown. Sigh. Well, while I go look up different skin lightening techniques, please enjoy this post on one of the creepiest vampire myths I have ever come across:

The Penanggalan

This particular legend originates from the Malay Peninsula. The Penanggalan is a detached female head capable of flying around while it's inner organs dangle beneath it (picture above; image courtesy of google images), and these organs apparently light up like fireflies as it flies through the night sky (Oh, maybe that's where the sparkly vampire thing came from! Pretty morbid if you ask me...)

According to folklore there are quite a few origins for the creature. The Penanggalan is often described as a beautiful woman who obtained beauty or supernatural powers through black magic or a pact with the devil. Naturally, this kind of thing rarely works out and the woman is forever cursed to be a blood-sucking monster. One version of the tale says that the Penanggalan was once a beautiful preistess who was taking a bath in a tub of vinegar. While bathing and being in a meditative state a man enters the room and startles her. She jerks her head to look up and it is pulled right off of her body. The priestess is engraged and attacks the man (i.e, her head flies at him). With this particular legend the Penanggalan carries an odour of vinegar wherever it flies.

Once daylight comes around the Penanggalan must soak it's organs in vinegar in order to shrink them so they may fit back into it's body. During the day the creature looks like a normal woman, and the only indication is that unmistakable vinegary scent.

The victims of the Penanggalan are traditionally pregnant women and young children. The Penanggalan will perch on the roof of a building where a woman is giving birth, screeching when the child is born. It will then insert a long, invisible tounge into the house to lap up the new mother's blood.


To protect against the Penanggalan, people would scatter the thornly leaves of a certain plant that would scratch and injure it's organs. Sometimes these leaves would be wound around window frames to ensare it. Families would plant pineapples underneath their houses (traditional Malay houses are built on stilts), and the prickly fruit would deter the Penanggalan from entering through the floorboards. Once captured a Penanggalan can be killed with a machete, and as an extra precaution pregnant women may sleep with scissors under her pillow, as the creature is afraid of them. Either that, or you find it's body and fill it with glass, therefore preventing the Penanggalan from returning to the body.


So yeah, that's about it. Pretty creepy, right? Excuse me while I go plant pineapples around my bedroom window...

April 20th, 1912

While most of the inferior beings are today celebrating four-twenty or whatever it is, I (and several other vampires like me) are celebrating (or, in some cases, mourning) the death of Bram Stoker.






Jus' sayin'.

Not vampires, but very confused faeries.

We've all heard about it. That story, staring a young Mary Sue who meets and falls in love with a mysterious Marty Stu. After pages and pages of Mary Sue's descriptions on how gorgeous "Marty" is, she finally discovers the truth- he's a vampire.

...

Oh, really, now?

I first read this book as a human. And I loved it. The characters were one-sided, sure (hence the "Mary Sue"), and the plot left a little to be desired, yet my twelve-year-old mind was convinced that this story was good.

Now, however, I see things differently.

First and foremost, I must address the topic of sparkling. What the bloody hell was that? I never payed much attention to it before, but now that I happen to be one of the undead I find it insulting. It's border-line racist! The "vampires" in this book are obviously very confused faeries. Very, very confused faeries.

The topic of sparkling ticks quite a few vampires off. Why? Because once upon a time when you saw a vampire in sunlight, a human would ask "Why aren't you burning?" Now, they ask "Why aren't you sparkling?"

...?!

(Excuse me while I grit my teeth in annoyance and try to regain my composure.)

Granted, vampires don't burn in sunlight. We are nocturnal by nature and do happen to be sensitive to light, but we don't burst into flames. BUT SPARKLING?! Where'd you get that idea from? WHERE?! I've been trying to think of a logical explanation for this theory, but have found none. The closest I got was a Jamaican legend of a blood-drinking monster disguised as an old woman who would shed her skin at night and become a ball of light. But that's still closer to burning than sparkling.

Ugh.

Okay, I'm gonna drop this topic before things turn nasty and I start swearing like a drunken sailor. So how about we talk about the good things that came from this book?

Firstly, it has given me more confidence as a writer. I mean, seriously. If Smeyer can get published, I know I can! What does annoy me, though, is the fact that her book was written within three months. I've been working nearly three YEARS on my novel. Of course, I want my characters to have actual personalities. So. Yeah.

Another thing that makes me squeal with delight? Vampire-themed merchandise. Back when I was a human goth, I'd squeal with delight at the sight of a necklace with a vampire-fanged pendant, or a t-shirt with the phrase "Vampires Suck" on it. And now that I'm a vampire goth... well, I still pretty much squeal with delight. Though not as loudly. My squeals of delight are sometimes too high-pitched for mortal ears to handle. Yes, I roll my eyes at some merchandise, but for the most part it's fun. It makes me feel wanted, as I highly doubt I have to worry about being chased out of town by a mob with pitchforks and torches if my vampire-identity is discovered. People love the undead nowadays.

Hmm... well, that's all I can think up for good things. I'm still reeling over the whole "sparkling" nonsense. SHEESH!

So, the moral of this story: if you like sparkling faeries who think they're vampires and teenage girls with absolutely no thoughts of their own, then this book is right for you! (And me! ... What? Am I not allowed to like it?)