Trust me on this one, mortals

If you have plans to become a vampire, lose those extra ten pounds first. You'll thank me for this.

Okay, okay, that's probably a little confusing. I'm sure you're all thinking, "Wait a minute, aren't vampires pretty? Why do I care if I have a few extra pounds to lose? As soon as I join the underworld I'll be perfectly BEAUTIFUL!"

No, no you won't.

Did you know that if a vampire with long hair gets it cut short, their hair will grow back to it's original length the next night? Yes, even if a vampire shaves his head, the very next night his hair will be back to what it was before, which is why a lot of vampires like wearing wigs to give them more variety. (I mean really, if you think having the same hairstyle since the 1980's is bad, imagine having the same since the 1580's.)

So if a vampire's hair grows back overday, guess what happens to their weight?

Yep. Even if they lose the weight, it'll come right back. Which sucks major blood. So before you decide to get bitten, eat a salad. Or two. Or ten. And do some sit ups.

You won't regret it.

Now, time for a rant:

If I'm fast asleep at 3:00 in the afternoon, DO NOT wake me up. I need my rest! I need it like I need blood. I do not need you coming in and pushing the lid of my coffin off, Luna. I don't need you jumping in and licking my face and acting so cheerful. Luna, you are a bitch.

Please note that I am talking about my dog. Yeah, she has a thing for jumping in my coffin. Not appreciated. Not appreciated at all. Which makes her a bitch in more ways than one.