The Trials of being a "Halfling"

Two things before I get into the subject of this days post: first of all, your fledgling fang blog mistress is currently looking for a job. Which means I'm going to be putting a lot less effort into terrorizing the villagers and more into handing out resumes. Anyone know of any places that will hire a bloodsucking monster? Second of all, the lovely Miss from this blog is writing a novel with a character based on me! Oh, happy happy joy joy! I guess people actually do read my inane rambling nonsense!

Now, onto more important matters; that is, what I'm going to ramble about today. Why, half vampires, of course! Now if you've read one of my earlier posts, I stated that while two vampires can't have children, a human and a vampire can get together to have a human child. But where do half vampires fit in? Is there even such a thing?

When I first learned of the mating habits of vampires (doesn't that sound creepy?) and the whole 'mommy vampire + daddy human = baby human' thing, I assumed that there was no such thing as half vampires. That is, until just yesterday when I learned from Alora that half vampires do exists. And they're all around us.

It all has to do with genetics, basically. Recessive genes, homozygous traits and all that crap. Bascially, if two parents are carriers of a vampiric gene (because apparently that exists... Oh, the things you learn when hanging around the graveyard!) and they get together to make a baby, that baby will be what's known as a 'half vampire'. Now I have no idea why they're called 'half vampires'. Maybe it's easier than saying 'humans with a bit of vampire gene in them'?

As a further example, let's say that your great great great grandfather on your mother's side was a vampire. Over the years the vampiric nature was lost. Your mother is 100% human, but she still carries the vampire gene. Your father is the same; he's human, but he carries a vampire gene because someone, somewhere along the lines of his family was a vampire. Then your two carrier parents get together and have you. Their carrier genes get together and tada! You're a half vampire!

Typical signs of being a 'halfling' are:

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  Sensitivity to light. You probably burn extremely easily, you may have extreme photophobia, and all that.


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  "Night Owl-ism". You have a hard time sleeping at night. After all, daytime is the time for sleeping.


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  Super senses. Okay, so maybe your senses won't be exactly super, but you probably have better hearing than most people your age. The crappy beats and annoying voices of pop songs probably really get on your nerves, too.


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  An attraction to "spooky" things. There's a reason we vampires like coffins and black roses. Well, actually, there really isn't a reason. We just like them. And if you're the kind of human who reeeeally likes these things too well... you might just have a little vamp in you.

Now, say you are convinced that you are a half vampire. What should you do? Go drink blood? Jump off buildings in an attempt to fly? Um... no. Not at all. Because, remember, you're still human. Just because you've got some of the genes, doesn't mean you should be acting like a full vampire. That's pretty freaking dangerous don't you think? Just keep your head up high and hope that you'll one day meet your own prince of darkness who will turn you full-on fang.

The Vampire is Just Not that Into You (Review)

Yet another review (aren't you lucky?), this time for a book that I find very, very amusing. I first found it in my library's 'teen non-fiction' section, between books on how to deal with peer pressure and puberty. (Naturally it was later moved to the 'teen humour fiction' section.)

The Vampire is Just Not that Into You is written by Vlad Mezrich, a vampire and undead dating specialist, and this book is a handy guide for teenagers girls on, well, how to date a vampire.

The book is divided into three sections: part one deals with first of all snagging the vampire of your dreams. How can you tell if he's really a vampire, and not some mopey Goth kid? What are some ways to get his attention? Part two gives you tips on how to keep your vampire once you've started dating. And part three? Well, it's full of reasons why vampire-human relationships never work out and how it's always the human's fault ('cause, you know, you guys eat and breath and that can get annoying.)

Mezrich's work is full of quizzes, diagrams, charts and real-life testimonials from human girls and the vampires they've dated, and provides a ton of amusement (at least for me...). How do you dress when going to meet his parents? How should you act when hanging out with his (undead) friends? What are some behaviours of yours that really bother him? What are some items you should carry around in case the breakup gets really messy? This handy guide provides all the answers!

Now there are a few things I don't really like about this book (such as how vampire-human relationships never work out, when obviously they do), or how it mentions that vampires sparkle and play baseball (though that's probably just to make fun of a particular "vampire book series" that we all know and love). But I'm willing to put that aside and enjoy reading. I'd definitely recommend this to anyone who has thought about dating a vampire. Because remember girls: "Once you go vamp you never decamp".

Bloodsucking Legends from Around the World (Part I)

So, it's been over a month since I last posted, which means I am a very bad blog mistress. Which also means that, for the next few months, I'm going to be posting like a mad vampire. I have a lot of things to ramble about; you've been warned.

But first I must say that just recently I was on vacation with the family unit. I was outside for about ten minutes eating lunch one day, and the most horrible thing happened: I tanned. Oh, it is awful! That's the price a vampire has to pay; go outside for a few minutes and wind up with your skin a lovely shade of golden brown. Sigh. Well, while I go look up different skin lightening techniques, please enjoy this post on one of the creepiest vampire myths I have ever come across:

The Penanggalan

This particular legend originates from the Malay Peninsula. The Penanggalan is a detached female head capable of flying around while it's inner organs dangle beneath it (picture above; image courtesy of google images), and these organs apparently light up like fireflies as it flies through the night sky (Oh, maybe that's where the sparkly vampire thing came from! Pretty morbid if you ask me...)

According to folklore there are quite a few origins for the creature. The Penanggalan is often described as a beautiful woman who obtained beauty or supernatural powers through black magic or a pact with the devil. Naturally, this kind of thing rarely works out and the woman is forever cursed to be a blood-sucking monster. One version of the tale says that the Penanggalan was once a beautiful preistess who was taking a bath in a tub of vinegar. While bathing and being in a meditative state a man enters the room and startles her. She jerks her head to look up and it is pulled right off of her body. The priestess is engraged and attacks the man (i.e, her head flies at him). With this particular legend the Penanggalan carries an odour of vinegar wherever it flies.

Once daylight comes around the Penanggalan must soak it's organs in vinegar in order to shrink them so they may fit back into it's body. During the day the creature looks like a normal woman, and the only indication is that unmistakable vinegary scent.

The victims of the Penanggalan are traditionally pregnant women and young children. The Penanggalan will perch on the roof of a building where a woman is giving birth, screeching when the child is born. It will then insert a long, invisible tounge into the house to lap up the new mother's blood.


To protect against the Penanggalan, people would scatter the thornly leaves of a certain plant that would scratch and injure it's organs. Sometimes these leaves would be wound around window frames to ensare it. Families would plant pineapples underneath their houses (traditional Malay houses are built on stilts), and the prickly fruit would deter the Penanggalan from entering through the floorboards. Once captured a Penanggalan can be killed with a machete, and as an extra precaution pregnant women may sleep with scissors under her pillow, as the creature is afraid of them. Either that, or you find it's body and fill it with glass, therefore preventing the Penanggalan from returning to the body.


So yeah, that's about it. Pretty creepy, right? Excuse me while I go plant pineapples around my bedroom window...

"Mom... dad.... I'm a vampire"

So I wanted on doing a post for World Goth Day, however I was not at home at the time. I was at Otafest, decked out in stripey tights, a poofy skirt with a pocket watch dangling from my belt, hanging out with a bunch of Goth/Raver-type guys who found great joy in party boying a man dressed like Captain Jack Sparrow. They gave me lots of hugs and were rather... interested in my parasol. Hhmm... (Pictured above is a photo of me taken on that day by a friend {Hakuuuu~♥}. Yes, yes. Photograph of a vampire. Yes it's very special and amazing. Oh, wait. No it isn't.)

Anyway, on to other important matters: Just yesterday myself and a few other teen fangs were having a serious discussion. Okay, so, maybe at the time it wasn't that serious, what with us giggling and all that. But after wards, relaxing in my coffin later that evening, I couldn't help but think of the magnitude of what we were talking about. And just what were we talking about, you may ask? Why, coming out of the coffin! Obviously, that phrase is used to describe the act of telling your friends, family, coworkers and any other morals close to you the truth about your vampiric identity (that you are, in fact, a vampire).

Ah, my coming out story. Naturally, I had a love for dark clothing and vampires since before I actually joined the ranks of the undead, so my parents weren't really surprised. At all. A little wary at first, but that's to be expected.

But what about the hordes of other fangs, whose parents may not be so ready to accept their coffins 'n' blood lifestyle, or who may worry that their friends may delete them from facebook because they no longer have the desire to get a tan? Because I am such a nice person (heh heh heh...) I've decided to put together a handy little guide line of things to do when coming out of the coffin:

1) Do your research There's a picture of me front and center in this post. Which means that, yes, we can be photographed. We have reflections, and though we are nocturnal and don't like sunlight doesn't mean we burst into flames in it. Spend some time learning; try to meet other vampires in your area (it's actually not that hard. Just fly around sometime after midnight. You're bound to run into someone). Spend some time outdoors to test your tolerance to sunlight (everyone differs), as well as other things such as garlic, bells and crosses. The more vampire myths that you can prove wrong, the better.

2) Prepare your supplies! Blood is, of course, mandatory. Whether you like it or not. Of course, hunting down humans on the street is very not commonplace today, and could get you into a heapload of trouble. So don't do it. Ties to the hospitals and butchers are good (if you aren't sure about how to go about doing this, ask a few other vampires for help. Chances are they have connections). Same goes for coffins. Coffins can be very expensive. I happen to know a few people who can hook me up with a new casket for a reasonable price. If anybody wants to know names, feel free to contact me.

3) Avoid Halloween This is obvious. Avoid coming out around or on Halloween, or they'll think it's just a joke. Same goes for April Fool's Day or after you've just watched a Twilight marathon.

4) Keep calm and compromise Yes, I know. It's scary. Just keep your voice calm, don't get your cape in a not and don't threaten to drain their blood and you should be fine. Explain that you're still their daughter/son/employee and that you are still the same person, just with fangs. You can set up rules: no drinking blood from your coffee cup except during break time, your coffin has to be kept out of sight of visitors, etc. Whatever makes everyone feel more comfortable with having a vampire in the family.

Well, that's about it. Hope some of you got some useful information from this (you should be thanking me for this!) Until next time...

You're weird... you deserve it

I had original planned to do a post on some of the different vampire legends from around the world, but a recent post at the Ultimate Goth Guide (a blog created by a very interesting mortal indeed) caught my attention.

The stories within that post got me thinking: I'm one of the lucky few. The 'weird one' who was never picked on, teased, bullied. Well, not completely. I've had people call me a 'freak' and an 'emo kid' (even though I never found those phrases to be all that insulting). I've had people stomp on my feet, very obviously start whispering about me when I was around, and others make comments about how I'm a witch and I sit in the corner of my bedroom contemplating suicide. While that doesn't exactly sound pleasant, those incidents are nowhere near to comparing to some of the things that happened to other little gothlings (I like to think that the reason I wasn't bullied much as a kid is because other people could somehow sense that I would one day become a ferocious blood-drinking monster, but that's probably not the case...).

It's a sad fact that many people respond to things that they don't like or don't understand with violence, whether it's to a different race, sexuality or unusual hair colour. It makes me sick. I have blue hair and multiple facial piercings; does that mean I deserve to have things thrown at me? I enjoy wearing velvet and corsets; does that mean it's my fault when people harass me? I'm nocturnal and sleep in a coffin; does that make me any less human? (Well, okay. You got me on that one. But you get my point.)

The other sad thing about all of this is that many people think it's the odd person's fault. "They should know by now that if they dress weird they're going to get unwanted attention!" And, you know what? That's true. We do know that our appearances are different and therefore not many people will understand us. And we do know that, again, many people respond in negative ways to things that they don't understand. But you know what else? We shouldn't have to worry about that. Everyone should have the freedom to dress however they want without fear of having their faces beaten in.

If a Muslim woman, who chooses to wear traditional garb, is the victim of a crime, is it her fault for choosing to "look that way"? No, not at all. If a Goth, who chooses to dress in a darker fashion, is a victim of a crime, is it his fault for choosing to "look that way"? No, not at all.

All this talk is really starting to make my blood boil. But you know what would stop it? Putting an end to this prejudice. The elation I feel when I see a 'normal person' standing up for a 'freak' is nothing short of amazing. We really need more of that in the world. We're all people; we all deserve to be treated the same.

Well, that's it for this post. Wow, ranting really makes me thirsty...

Sweet dreams are made of this

A few weeks ago I went with a friend to see the movie Suckerpunch, and was completely blown away. It was really good; much better than I had been expecting. Thus, I have decided to post a review (isn't that something most bloggers do? Review a bunch of things. Hmmm...) (Image source: google images).

The movie starts out with a rather sad scene, in which the protagonist Babydoll and her young sister discover that their mother has just died. The deceased woman in question leaves her inheritance to her daughters, much to her husband (and the girl stepfather's) rage. He lashes out and in a series of unfortunate events while trying to protect her little sister Babydoll winds up in a mental institution.

Of course, it isn't your average whacky shack; it actually seems to double as a brothel, for some odd reason, which seems quite disgusting, but all of the girls seem to have a really close-knit bond and try to help each other get through the hard times. Babydoll becomes close to a few of the girls: Rocket, Blondie (who has dark hair, I might add), Amber and Rocket's older sister Sweet Pea. Shortly upon arriving Babydoll also discovers that she is scheduled for a lobotomy in only a few days, and plans to escape before then.

One day young Babydoll is asked to dance to some rather provocative-sounding music. As she does so she retreats to a fantasy world within her mind. There she meets a strange man who tells her she must find five things in order to find freedom: a map, a key, fire, a knife and some secret item that only she can supply. She then has to fight a group of monsters (yay action scene!).

Back in the real world Babydoll tells the others about her plan and they agree to help her get the items. Each time they plan to get one Babydoll provides a distraction by dancing, and each time she dances she is transported to the fantasy world which loosely reflects the real one. Throw in some German corpses kept 'alive' by steam power and clockwork, a vengeful mother dragon, some robots and some pretty insane plot twists, and you have Suckerpunch.

I, personally, loved the movie. It was unlike anything I'd seen in a long time. I've heard other people say it's too 'confusing' or it seems like some stupid movie only 14-year-old anime fans would like because it features a girl in a skimpy schoolgirl outfit wielding a katana. I, however, beg to differ. The feel of the movie is what got me, a world in the past that is mixed with elements of the future. Not really Steampunk (though a little to some degree), it also brings in sci-fi, fantasy, burlesque and Gothy elements and places them into a nice little package that doesn't seem like a bunch of random crap thrown together blindly in order to seem cool. That, and the soundtrack is pretty neat too.

In other news, there's another movie coming out next month that I must see called Priest. A post-apocalyptic vampire story? Yes, please.

April 20th, 1912

While most of the inferior beings are today celebrating four-twenty or whatever it is, I (and several other vampires like me) are celebrating (or, in some cases, mourning) the death of Bram Stoker.






Jus' sayin'.