I can't avoid it any longer. I must... answer frequently asked questions. So, I turned to you, my mortal friends! And I must say, I was impressed. Some of your questions were really intelligent and well-thought out. Others were just plain stupid. I laughed at those. And then I laughed at you for asking them. (Just kidding... or am I?)
Now, where was I? Oh, right! Questions!
1) Do you sparkle in the sunlight?
Heck, no! That's border-line racist! (A fact that I have pointed out before).
2) So... do you burn in the sunlight?
Nope. It hurts my eyes and gives me sunburns, and makes me moody as hell, but other than that... no.
3) Will you turn me into a vampire?
What, and have you following me around for all eternity? Good God, no! (Perish the thought!)
4) Can you taste the difference between different blood types? What do they taste like?
Yes. It's mostly in the aftertaste, though. I find positive tends to taste more savoury, while negative more sweet. Both are quite delicious, though.
5) Do tastes differ between vampires? Like one preferring AB because its sweeter or something?
I'd prefer B+ KTHNX. It's bloody (no pun intended) amazing! Why? Because it tastes like heaven, that's why! As for other vampires, I know some find B+ gross, yet they love type O. Which is weird, because O is the grossest thing known to man. The aftertaste tastes like cough syrup and mint dental floss. So, yeah. Our tastes differ.
6) Are you a vegetarian vampire?
What's a vegetarian vampire? If you mean a vampire that only drinks animal blood, then no. I drink human. FYI, learn your terms before using them! Vegetarian vampires don't drink animal blood. Or most human blood. Vegetarian vampires drink the blood of vegatarian humans. Vegan vampires? The blood of vegans. Get your facts straight, please.
7) If you drink human blood,does that mean you attack humans?
Nope. All my blood is donated by hospitals. Rule number one of being undead: it pays to have connections to the medical industry. (All that blood you humans donate? Only a small portion goes to other humans in need.)
8) What kind of vampire are you? More Anne Rice or Dracula or (god forbid) Stephanie Meyer?
I actually don't know... I'm my own vampire, thank you very much! But if I had to choose, I'd say Anne Rice. Why? Because her vampires are AMAY-ZUH-ZING!
9) If you can change into a bat or other thing, does it hurt?
I've actually never tried that. I should sometime... it could be fun!
10)So... you won't make me like you? BUT I COULD MAKE A GOOD VAMPIRE!
I'm sure you could. However, if I were to turn you, you'd be my responsibilty. And I hate babysitting.
Well, now that that's over with, I shall retire back to my coffin. The sunlight seeping in through the curtains makes me want to hit someone, and then eat a pound of chocolate.
Until next time!
Now, where was I? Oh, right! Questions!
1) Do you sparkle in the sunlight?
Heck, no! That's border-line racist! (A fact that I have pointed out before).
2) So... do you burn in the sunlight?
Nope. It hurts my eyes and gives me sunburns, and makes me moody as hell, but other than that... no.
3) Will you turn me into a vampire?
What, and have you following me around for all eternity? Good God, no! (Perish the thought!)
4) Can you taste the difference between different blood types? What do they taste like?
Yes. It's mostly in the aftertaste, though. I find positive tends to taste more savoury, while negative more sweet. Both are quite delicious, though.
5) Do tastes differ between vampires? Like one preferring AB because its sweeter or something?
I'd prefer B+ KTHNX. It's bloody (no pun intended) amazing! Why? Because it tastes like heaven, that's why! As for other vampires, I know some find B+ gross, yet they love type O. Which is weird, because O is the grossest thing known to man. The aftertaste tastes like cough syrup and mint dental floss. So, yeah. Our tastes differ.
6) Are you a vegetarian vampire?
What's a vegetarian vampire? If you mean a vampire that only drinks animal blood, then no. I drink human. FYI, learn your terms before using them! Vegetarian vampires don't drink animal blood. Or most human blood. Vegetarian vampires drink the blood of vegatarian humans. Vegan vampires? The blood of vegans. Get your facts straight, please.
7) If you drink human blood,does that mean you attack humans?
Nope. All my blood is donated by hospitals. Rule number one of being undead: it pays to have connections to the medical industry. (All that blood you humans donate? Only a small portion goes to other humans in need.)
8) What kind of vampire are you? More Anne Rice or Dracula or (god forbid) Stephanie Meyer?
I actually don't know... I'm my own vampire, thank you very much! But if I had to choose, I'd say Anne Rice. Why? Because her vampires are AMAY-ZUH-ZING!
9) If you can change into a bat or other thing, does it hurt?
I've actually never tried that. I should sometime... it could be fun!
10)So... you won't make me like you? BUT I COULD MAKE A GOOD VAMPIRE!
I'm sure you could. However, if I were to turn you, you'd be my responsibilty. And I hate babysitting.
Well, now that that's over with, I shall retire back to my coffin. The sunlight seeping in through the curtains makes me want to hit someone, and then eat a pound of chocolate.
Until next time!
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