Of birthdays and turning 1700

As you all know, yesterday was my birthday (and if you didn't know, shame on you!) I had a fang-tabulous day, full of cake and pressies and magical sparkly bats. Unfortunately I had to drag myself out of my coffin at noon in order to get my presents, but ... eh... it was worth it.

HERE! HAVE A LIST OF BIRTHDAY PRESSIES!

• 100 dollars from the parental units for my upcoming trip in May (I'mma be terrorizing the mortals in Calgary. Should be fun!)
• A lace choker with a pendant from one of my mortal friends, Darth Vlad Necromancer of Innocence. The pendant almost looks like a cross, but it isn't which means I can touch it without my skin burning. YAY!
• This magical magic-thingy cassette player type thingy for my car. Maybe now I'll actually drive more, instead of flying everywhere! (Eh... maybe not.)
• A necklace. With a pirate coin pendant! (From Mel, Melvin, Manny, Manfred... you know who you are.)

Wow... short list. I expected people to give me more things. Maybe I should threaten to drink their blood next time. Then they might stake me.... that wouldn't be too much fun.

Anyhoodle, yes, I am now seventeen! 'Cause I'm sweeter than sixteen! (Points for whoever knows where that line is from). Yet it's a bit bitter-sweet. Why? Because vampires are seventeen. REAL VAMPIRES are several hundred years old. They are world-weary and carry a sophisticated air of eras gone by.

In other words, VAMPIRES CAN'T BE TEENAGERS. Every time I tell someone that I am, in fact, an undead creature of the night, and I tell them my age they all come up with the same reaction:

"You can't be a vampire! You're too young!"

Oh, really now? Puh-lease! Everyone has to start somewhere! Dracula... Lestat... Fredward Cullen... they were all teenagers at some point! SO CALM DOWN. I'm a vampire now, and I'll still be one in a thousand years. And when that time comes I'll find you and dance on your grave and laugh and sing, because you're dead and I'm not 'cause I'm a vampire. So hah!

Wow... I'm feeling bitter. Think I'm gonna go snuggle up in my coffin now. Toodles, mortals!

Serious business...

(... Is serious.)

I want you to do me a favour: look at your calendar. What day is it? January 25th. Hmmmm, I see... Now why is Lucidia making such a big deal of it? Oh, no reason.

Other than the fact that there is now (officially) one month until my birthday. Which, you know, isn't that big of a deal.....

...

...

...

Okay, I can't do this. IT'S A HUGE MOTHERSUCKING DEAL. SERIOUSNESS. I AM EXCITED. SERIOUSLY. I MADE A BIRTHDAY LIST YOU GUYS. THAT'S HOW EXCITED I AM.

Master Lucidia's Birthday List Extraordinaire:

1. A new coffin. My old one smells like a blood-drinking corpse. (You know... other than me.)
2. An iPod. What? Vampires like technology, too.
3. The ability to turn into a bat. I want this badly.
4. A CAPE! EVERY VAMPIRE NEEDS A CAPE.
5. Some more A- blood. I think it' s my new favourite.
6. World Domination. Just for the lulz.

Hmm. Short list is short. I must think of more things to ask people for!

Now, onto other matters. Matters that concern me greatly. And what may those be? Camera flashes.

Again with the seriousness people! Went for family photos the other day (which is torture even as a human!) Within fifteen minutes I was rolling on the ground, my vision blurry, hissing and spitting like an angry cat. The photographer was quite obviously disturbed. My mum on the other hand just rolled her eyes and said "Oh, she does this all the time. You should have seen her during our trip to the beach over the summer).

Not cool mom, not cool. Not my fault I'm a vampire, and am therefore extremely sensitive to light and crap like that. Speaking of which, the sun has set, which means it's time for me to go!

Blood to drink, villagers to terrorize!